


Nothing for her

by Leor_Ataraxia



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alive Bianca di Angelo, Alternate Universe, Because is my au and I do what I want, Bianca is jewish in this one, Bianca takes Nico's place, Book 5: The Last Olympian (Percy Jackson), Gen, Grief/Mourning, Jewish Identity, References to Depression, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:21:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25826593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leor_Ataraxia/pseuds/Leor_Ataraxia
Summary: Is not like Bianca is surprised that Zeus didn’t recognize her or her part during the Battle of Manhattan. He would never give her what she wanted anyways.- - - -An au where Nico was the one who went in the mission during The Titan's Curse, and he never came back.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Nothing for her

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and the Olympians don't belong to me.
> 
> English is my second language, sorry for any mistakes!

Bianca saw the different gods and their children talking like it was the most normal thing in the world, like they haven’t been insisting on keeping both worlds separated, as a promise to Zeus or perhaps something else. The daughter of Hades has never been too keen on the gods after all the things she had seen, even after this time she wasn’t that much of a fan. 

“Mad about not being called?” a childish voice said, and Bianca looked up to the familiar figure.

Well, perhaps she liked some gods. 

She smiled at Hestia, not minding when she sat beside her; accustomed to her presence. The demigoddess wondered more than once if the immortal had been beside her for this long because her brother talked to her in the past, or if she liked to take care of those who had been forgotten. Despite looking younger than her, Hestia reminded her of her own mother, even if she barely held any memories of her. 

Bianca shook her head “It’s okay, I doubt Zeus would have granted my request if I had asked, and there is nothing else I want” 

She wasn’t sure if the reason why Zeus didn’t call her was that she was a child of her father, or if he considers that her role during the battle wasn’t enough. Her father has been mad for centuries about the lack of respect the gods paid him, and would be lying if Bianca hadn’t been mad about how some gods and demigods treated her. 

But she never cared about glory, it has never been gifts that have guided her to help other demigods any time she had done so; every time she had done something it had been for her own benefit, or because that would have been what her brother would have wanted. 

The memory makes her smile, but is a smile full of sadness _“It has been years, there would there ever be a moment where I could remember him without feeling broken?”_ She wondered. 

Truth be told, she doubts it; she wasn’t sure if she could ever do that. That would involve forgiving herself for her own faults, for trying to leave him behind and let somebody take care of him, when she should have been the one doing it all along. 

Perhaps sticking to this state of grief would do nothing to her, but to be forgiven you must atone your sins to the person you wronged, and that person is now dead; how do you atone that, then?

_“A rabbi would probably have a day field with that”_ she shakes her head, remembering the time she tried to go to a synagogue in Yom Kippur, only to end up leaving because the grief was too much. Probably she could find an answer if she had talked about it with somebody, even if she couldn’t talk about being a demigod, she probably wasn’t the only one who felt sorry for things they did to a family member that died. 

_“But most of them are not actually guilty,”_ she thought bitterly. 

“Still thinking about him, right?”

“Will there ever be a time when it is not like that?” Bianca answered, looking at the goddess directly. She barely was this honest with anybody, but Hestia had helped her without asking anything in return, multiple times; if she could trust in somebody…it should be her.

Hestia didn’t look back at her, her gaze appeared to be looking at the room, yet the Italian knew that whatever she was seeing, must be far away from here “Tell me something, if Zeus indeed granted you your wish and you had your brother back, would your grief cease?”

Bianca blinked, confused “Yes? I’m sad because I lost him, having him back wouldn’t change that?” 

“Hmmm” 

Di Angelo didn’t want to think about that possibility, she has been heartbroken since the moment she heard Nico died during the mission, saving everybody else in the process. Dreaming about being together was impossible, but it was a scenario that made her happy; thinking that not even that would make her feel better was like admitting that no matter what, she could never be happy again. 

She preferred not to think about that. 

“Does it matter, really? Is not like it is going to happen anyway, at least let me have my impossible dreams intact” she crossed her arms, trying to avoid looking at her once more. 

“You never know what could happen” 

That got her attention Bianca raised a brow while looking at her again “I know even I can’t bring people back from the dead, I cannot even contact him for some reason. How am I supposed to get better like that?” 

“Then perhaps happiness should be linked to something else” 

Bianca pressed her fingers into her arms, and if it wasn’t because of her trenchcoat, her grip would had left marks on her skin. For the first time she wanted to scream at her; it just wasn’t going to happen, how she could just move on with her life? Act as nothing happened? It would mean that she forgot about him, about what she did… 

…it would seem as though she deserved happiness. 

She wanted to atone for her mistakes by helping Percy and the others to save the world, because that is what Nico would have wanted; she had done that, far enough that she had been close to being vaporized by her own father, but it didn’t feel enough. Kronos was gone, her father was proud of her, even other demigods were looking at her friendly despite her appearance; yet it just feels like she didn’t deserve it. 

If helping save the world wasn’t enough, what would be? What…what she was supposed to do now with her life? 

Bianca looked at Percy, who was currently talking with his own father, Annabeth was with the muses, probably making sure of what they would be asking for the reconstruction of Olympus, Thalia, who was beside Artemis and looked like two sisters having a normal chat. 

Physically speaking, they were in the same location as her, but all of them felt so far away. None of them slouched like they were walking with a boulder on their shoulders, their faces looked relaxed, and there was just relief in their eyes. 

They felt like a world apart, one when she didn’t belong. Would never belong. 

She decided she had enough. Bianca got up from her seat (which was a bunch of rubble, since there wasn’t a lot to sit on the destruction) and bowed to Hestia, both as a formality and for the respect she felt for the goddess. 

Hestia looked at her like everything was normal “Leaving so soon?” 

“There is probably stuff that needs to be done outside” She makes sure her scythe was in place on her back, the last she wanted was the risk of it falling and injuring someone “Besides, there is nothing here for me” 

There never was.

**Author's Note:**

> Oof, I haven’t wrote anything in months! Is good to do something after a while. 
> 
> Not gonna lie, I feel nervous about making Bianca jewish in this story, not to much about people being mad about it (This is my au, my rules. Any person who had a problem with that can stop reading about this au for all I care) but mostly if my portrayal of Bianca (or eventually, Nico and Jason) is wrong. 
> 
> At this stage of the story, Bianca remembers enough that she is jewish, but because she is always on the run and doesn’t want to form bonds with anybody, she hasn’t reconnected with that part of her that much. Sometimes she goes to services, but is hasn’t actively practice, this would change in the future tho. 
> 
> I’m somebody who converted via reform, my experience would be really different from the case of Bianca, so if something is wrong or sounds off, please contact me (This is only to jewish people)
> 
> This may be confusing for people who found this fic via ao3, this was originally posted on my tumblr, where the rest of the information of my AU is. 
> 
> This au may go for a major change soon, but this fic is still cohesive with that change, so I thought hey, why not give it a chance and publish it in ao3? 
> 
> If anybody is curious about what is going on, check it [here](https://achillesmonochrome.tumblr.com/tagged/ReBiancaRoNico) There is a big chance I would write more in the future, so hey, spoilers would be there. 
> 
> That’s it! Thank you to anybody reading.


End file.
